Saturday, December 8, 2012

My Fantasy World: Who? Me?

I was relieved when everybody stared at me like that. It almost felt something very nostalgic. So, this Australian guy told me he’ll buy my lunch. I never actually say ‘no’ to free lunch. And when the speaker ended his fun, we were all told to have a short break.

As the Aussie guy was approaching me from my back, the guy sitting beside me looked at me with fidgeting hands. He was taller than I am with high heels on. He had deep blue eyes, fluffy hair and had a 3 o’clock shadow. He stared at me and I stared back. I felt I was deeply being swallowed by those big blue eyes. It was roughly my first time seeing eyes like that.


He stopped shaking when the Aussie guy called him. He immediately gathered his composure and smiled.

“Nicolas Vign.” He said as he reached for my hand and kissed it.

I was shocked. Or more likely, stunned with that smile.

“Shut your mouth, luv. You’ll give people ideas. Especially in front of this rude guy, eh?”

Was I drooling? I mean, this guy is really stunning.

Nicolas chuckled and said, “can I join you for lunch?”

How could this guy be so CHARISMATIC. I snapped out of it and started acting professionally, as what I should have done moments ago.

“Of course you can if you don’t mind this guy coming along with us.” As I was referring to the Aussie guy at my back.

“Oh, you’re with Terry? I don’t mind if he doesn't ” and in that instant, his lovely smile turned into a mischievous smirk.

So his name is Terry, huh? I can feel the tension between the two. Maybe I stepped on a landmine over here.

“Klaus, you bloody bastard, you. Come on.” He said in disdain.

As we went outside, the two were talking just in front of me and all I could was the backs of two foreign looking gentlemen in quasi-formal attires. Judging from how they talk to each other, it was either they are very close or they just hated each other that much. I stopped observing the two and started to look around the view. Open fields, good architectural buildings, houses, dormitory towers. It’s kind of cool here.
The two stopped and when I looked in front of me, I saw a tall building, like a shopping mall and instantly, it reminded me of a shopping mall in Seoul. So there is a mall here.

The moment we set foot inside the “mall”, I started questioning where the hell I am. Outside, it looked like a regular mall. But inside, it looked like the entire Rizal Park on the first floor. It was filled with restaurants.
I looked at the directory and it has nothing but places to eat. Fast-food, fine-dining. It has it all. Nicholas held my arm and scrunched his neck as if he was about to sneeze and mumbled some words. In a blink of an eye, I found myself inside a fancy European Style restaurant. There weren't too many people around and there were no familiar faces, except for my two companies. We sat in a corner in a 3-seater sofa with curtains around. The ordered for me and the two just stared at me in silence as the curtains covered us.

“Niccola Carmen. That name’s not familiar?” As Klaus broke the silence.

“For me, no. I’m Leila Parker. What kind of place is this?”

“You don’t like dilly-dallying, eh?”

“No.” I said cutting him off.

“Alright, I’m Terry McGuffin. A professor here in the Academy. Klaus is a professor here, too.”

“Okay. So what do you guys teach in particular? And why am I here?”

“I teach transfiguration. I have no particular shape, actually.” Said Klaus.

That actually made me doubt as if that’s his real face. Wait. Transfiguration? “Are you talking about magic?”

“Luv, everything here is about magic. I teach dragon wielding and spells.”

I don’t get it. It was like I was in a harry potter movie. “W-w-why am I here?” I started stuttering. That explains the weird stuff here. MAGIC!

“Do you like stories? I’m going to tell you a good one.” Said Klaus.

I nodded and he continued.

“As I was still a student here in the Academy, Niccola was the best dragon wielder. Because the dragons choose you, she was chosen by the fiercest and most difficult dragon. She named it Sophie. It had three colors. White, brown and black. Such a beauty when you see those two fly by.”

“She was also one of the most powerful student here. In my class, I challenged her to a duel. The creativity in her is boundless. She would defeat me without hurting me. She’s a real gem.”

“So what happened to her?”

“She left. Fell in love as the rumors said. She left 10 years ago. She never came back. It felt as if we lost our treasure. We lost someone very dear. The whole academy felt sad. Some professors treated their students lowly. As if they will never be like her. They wanted her back. Sophie was in an uproar and we kept her locked up. When you leave the academy, your memory of it gradually disappears. And when we found you, well the council did, they thought you looked like her.”

“Who? ME?”

“Yes, luv. When you smile, you light up the room just like her. The resemblance is really uncanny. I see her in you so much. That’s why I immediately approached you the moment you set foot here.”

“See, I can’t be her. Really now. I don’t even know any magic.”

“Trust me honey, you won’t be able to set foot here if you can’t do any magic.”

“But-“ The food came and we started eating. Not mentioning anything about it.

“Let’s talk about it when we leave here.”

Monday, September 10, 2012

My Fantasy World: The "Academy"

A letter came for me. A scholarship from some university with the coolest name - Draganov Academy. I never thought there existed such here in the Philippines. It’s either they’re asking me to work for them or to study for them. Or both. They didn’t specify in the said letter. They were just asking me to come. I managed to convince my parents to let me go. So I did. It took me hours on the road to arrive at the place. Good thing there was a map attached at the back. I was wondering what kind of school this is since they don’t mind me finishing my dissertation. It seems that they want me that badly.

While walking from the parking area, I cant help notice how big the place is. It was a huge place located almost the edge of the country. It has this tall dorm tower at the edge of some big rock. It looked like it was taken from a movie or something, but I never saw it in any. It was scary. I’m afraid of heights. But that was the least of my concerns.

I was at the gate and surprisingly, no guards. So I just entered and tried to look for where I should go. I had this tingly feeling as I entered the gate where I was either being paralyzed or being mildly electrocuted all over my body. It stinged but I assumed it was out of nervousness. I tried to read the letter again if there are any instructions where I should specifically go inside this academy. But there was none. How am I supposed to get there on time? I hate being late for interviews – if it was an interview.

As I was wandering around, a very tall guy approached me.

“Hey, where you goin luv?” he said almost shouting at me.

He was around 5”10’ - taller than my dad. He had this smiling face of a teenager. He was wearing black coat and tie, despite the hot weather. Come to think of it, it was supposedly hot here in the Philippines but why am I not dripping of sweat yet? By this time, I was supposed to be parched.

The idea didn’t bothered me much as I was thinking to myself. The guy approached me then.

“sweetie, you didn’t answer me. Are you okay?”

“ah yes. I was supposed to have an interview here. But it didn’t specifically say where to go.”

“ah right. It won’t hurt to ask right? Come on, I know the way”

I followed his back while he kept talking. I was lost in my own world because the academy looked as if it was in another world as well. I was a skeptic but I never knew such architecture exists.

There were a lot of fields, buildings, or are they classrooms? There were no students or even professors around. There might be some event here today.

“right, luv?” he said looking back.

“uhh sorry?” what was he saying?

“oh I thought you were so quiet back there, guess you were awed by the architecture of the
school huh?

“oh yeah. Uhmm is there –“

“here we are then. Welcome to dragonov academy.” Cutting me off with the biggest smile.

I know he meant well so I gave him a little smile and a thank you.  He looked so shocked after that. I just noticed by then that he had this Australian accent. Maybe he’s Australian.
As I look in front of me, another amazing architecture greeted my eyes. A building with baroque features and also modern textiles. I really don’t know what I’m talking about. I entered the room in front of me, with the guy following my back, and I saw this classroom full of people, one talking in front. But the weird thing is, there aren’t any chairs. There were four-seater sofas. Very modern, indeed.

“Seat anywhere you like, I’ll be with you.” He said whispering as I became more aware of his Australian accent.

I found 2 sofas at the back. One has two seats available and another with all four seats available. I want to sit with people so I went for the first one. I guess the guy didn’t like it and sat on the one vacant.

I wasn’t listening at the beginning because I was too busy admiring the environment. It was like a cafĂ©. Very comfortable, but inspires work. I also can’t help notice that the guy sitting next to me was either very itchy or he’s just not comfortable. But I can’t see why because this is such a soft and comfy sofa.

As I decided to listen to the speaker, he made a joke.

“it would really be fun here in the Philippines if only the weather wouldn’t kill you for having too much fun.”

It was funny because it’s true. As hard as I retain my composure, I can’t help but bring a grin. And then he shocked me.

“DEAR GOD! She’s here! Miss at the back, are you Niccola Carmen by any chance?”

Wow I guess they were expecting me. But WHO THE HELL IS NICCOLA CARMEN? But of course I
was only thinking about it and answered very calmly – “Uhmm no. I’m Parker. Leila Parker”

The speaker’s eyes grew bigger and stared at me with his mouth open resulting everyone to look at me. They were all whispering and eyeing me as if I was someone very familiar. I didn’t get it. I looked back at my companion and he looked the same way, but he was rubbing his chin. He went forward and whispered something to me.

“Let’s talk later. I’ll buy your lunch.”

Friday, June 15, 2012

Case Digest, First attempt at Law School

So today, I'm in law school. And the first ever case I did a digest on was People of the Philippines vs. Que Po  Lay. The first reading, I did understood, or so I thought. I made a digest of my own but then got to compare it with another digest in the net. I was surprised, I got some points right but the issue I failed to discover. I was asking myself how stupid could I be not to notice that. And of course, I had to forgive myself because it was my first attempt. 

The case was pretty easy because it was only two pages so I thought it could be a nice practice. Indeed, it was. There are still more room for improvement and I will let this be my starting point. Off to the other 6 cases, and wish me luck.

I have to admit, Law school is indeed hard, but it's fun. Learning all these things you never knew, at least if I manage to finish this, I won't be anymore guilty of Article 3 in the Civil Code of the Philippines. 

Monday, June 11, 2012

A woman, I am

There are a lot of women in history who pretended to be a man. For example, Billy Tipton, the jazz player, was a woman who wanted to be known for her art and lived her life as a man. She did that to be able to be acknowledged not for her sexuality, but for her talent. Marina the Monk is another example. The story goes that when Marina’s father decided to go be a monk, she shaved off her hair and joined him. These people’s genders were only exposed to people by their deaths. This is where the notion of men ruling history and being treated better as a man was observed. This is the reason why these women dressed up and became men for the sake of their passion and not being limited to roles of a wife. The simply wanted to expand their horizons and feel the equality of society.

Beauvoir made a point of liberation for women because in the past, you have to be man to be recognized for talent and bravery. It is quite unfair, actually, that women were only seen as those who tend to the house and to the children. She made a point that women shouldn't have to pretend to be a man in order to gain respect and to be treated equally. A woman becomes what she makes herself - that's what she said. It simply is if she allows herself to be discriminated, then she will be discriminated. Beauvoir gave the notion of a "genderless" environment for women, and that society has to be aware and be considerate of women all the time. But in my opinion, if you want a "genderless" society, then why does society need to be considerate of women?  A "genderless" environment promotes equality whereas the idea of being considerate with women promotes special treatment. Maybe because of certain circumstances that women need to be treated specially, but if you’re going to ask me, I think women are very powerful. Even though they are treated as weak and helpless most of the time, women can actually manipulate a man into doing and giving whatever she wants.

A woman is a man’s weakness. Sometimes, there are cases that women are head over heels for a man, but in most cases, a man falls for a girl and he’ll do everything to get her. What a woman can boast about is her manipulating power, but of course, that is kind of like using your advantages in an evil context. Honestly, I don’t like being a girl because of the biological factors like menstruation and heavy boobs. I’m not really a feminist but I really love the notion of a woman controlling a very powerful man. In the movies, they always use women for bait and it proves to be quite effective. Who knew that women are to be more powerful than men?

I find Simone de Beauvoir’s notion of sexual liberation very fascinating. I admired the way she lived – very free. She explored her sexuality and enjoyed her life. Carpe diem as they say. The thing is, most women are very timid. They get an awkward feeling by just looking at their bodies naked, well some of them. As a matter of fact, this is how the society dictated how a woman should react. As what Beauvoir said, society is unfair to women, but women are still able to prove to the society their power and ability to compete with the men. So what's the point of all this? Trust, I have no idea. Even though I am a girl, I am still a bit of a coward to living life the way I wanted it in my wildest dreams and fantasies. Maybe it's because I am too afraid to be deemed as a taboo person for society. Isn't that what most of us are afraid of?

Sunday, October 17, 2010

It's been...ambitious...lately...

It's been what? Five to ten years since I last posted? Exaggerating, but I honestly missed this. Being a student is very confusing. Hmm.. Let me revise that: Being a COLLEGE STUDENT is very confusing. Especially when you don't get your priorities straight. You're studying your chosen degree with hopes that you will find a great job some day or when you have an ideal job in mind, you're hoping that you'll achieve it some day. But ironically, you realize half way that the industry is falling apart: unfortunate and inevitable events that you expected but prayed not to happen so soon. And now you're thinking what job will I be able to get now without reaching too far and in the end, sink too low?

A lot of people who are already working claims that it's much better to be a college student. Well, if you're a lazy college student that can get your way through every subject, like me, then why not. But if you're a grade conscious dude who wimps at the sight of a below average grade (for these people, it's below 90%), I think it's not better to be a student. You'll just add stress lines on your forehead and make you look older. In my opinion, it's just the same. It depends on how you treat your work.

My dad, a mechanical engr., says that in his workplace, it's just like a small classroom with 10 other people. They have fun together, laugh together, tell stories about themselves, just like in a classroom. Whenever I hear his stories, I've thought that once you get a view on what you really want, you tend to make it happen just as long as it's not too hard to reach and you have a lot of patience.

Talking about patience, I have a very limited one. That's why I'm playing these finding games so that I can improve because I'm always in the rush to do things. When I was younger, I wanted to turn 18 immediately so I can find freelance work. Today, I want to graduate immediately so I can start earning money from a real job outside my house. I want to find out how people find work, how hard it is, how failure hurts, how it affects my perseverance and how screwing up is such a taboo. I want to find out immediately because my curiosity won't be satisfied with mere surfing the net or asking others for their opinions. I want to experience for myself. They say  it's hard. I say, bring it on! I can take it. If you can't then you're weak, go back to studying.

I'm not an ambitious person so I set goals based on my standards, based on what I know I can achieve in a short span of time. And when things go better, then it'll be such a surprise worth remembering of. Sometimes, I pity ambitious people especially when they predict their highest goal in such an impossible short period of time. Know why I pity them? Because when they look back, they might get disappointed with themselves for being late or not being able to achieve it. Sometimes, they're even full with pride to the point that they won't admit they're disappointed. But in my opinion, they just don't want to look pathetic - which they already do to people who can see right through them.

With what I just said, I don't need comments being defensive as hell. Just suck it up and be yourself, there's nothing wrong with that.

Being optimistic is good. In fact, it's way better than being ambitious just as long as you know the limits and calculate the time frame correctly.

Well I have to admit, I'm jealous of those people who already have plans. Because I don't. I know I can do a lot of stuff. I'm a fast learner, but that's not enough because when I make my plans, it's more than ambitious. It's over-the-top, unreachable and to-die-for. I want to do so many things all at the same time. If only I was a genius or something. But I'm not. I can try a lot of jobs and get bored with it immediately. I get bored easily on games, what more if it's work? I've always secretly been wanting more. I may put up an easygoing face but in reality, I've been wanting to prove to MYSELF I can be smarter than what I am now.

It's like I am my own rival. 

Every time I learn something, I have to learn more. I have to figure more things out on my own. I have to know more. I have to ask more. I have to encounter more people. I have to understand them more. It's like an undying thirst. Never quenched. Sometimes relieved but always goes back for more.

To tell the truth, I learn more outside, with people, with friends, with my family, with myself, than I do in school. In school, they just expect us to memorize. Memorize stuff that won't even be necessary. Oh well. I guess that's how life works. You just have to make the best of it.

Or whatever...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Newer Perspective

Love is what almost everybody wants to have. People wanted to be longed for, to feel they belong, to be accepted and to feel special. But sometimes, some people see themselves not lucky enough to find those certain someone that can give them what they need - or in most cases, want. Sometimes, it’s because of this ideal person in their minds that narrows their perspective and hinders them from keeping in touch with other people they meet. In some cases, people tend to be very open-minded that it is because they don’t even know what they are looking for - that’s where dating comes in. People meet new people to add in their lives in hopes that they might find someone they are looking for, or even the right one. Most of them pass through trial and error. They get hurt, move on, and find another, but there are always instances that they just give up. With a lot of people hard to please these days because of their higher standards, they felt that dating should be a way of life to find, somewhere in the vast ocean of fishes, who they are looking for thus, making dating pretty popular.

The dating etiquette today has become more hassle-free for both sides. For example, on a dinner date in the past, the man usually pays for the bill. While today, splitting the expenses are commonly observed. But who needs a dinner date when there exists now the growing dating trend - online dating. One can find who they are looking for by just searching through the sites and chatting with those people they find interesting. In fact, when talking about online dating pros and cons, the cons always weigh more among societies, but not a lot really do care. Starting with the advantages, a person can meet another a thousand miles away. They can even find their ideal match based on the profile of these people. But here’s the catch, they’re not exactly sure if the personal info of that person is true. No one can be sure of it. Anyone can lie and especially come up with some petty excuses for it. What if that person claims to be 17 years old and turns out to be 32 in real life? Anyone can fall victim to it. If a person is looking for someone to fall in love with in online dating, that person must be absolutely positive that that person is real. Not made up, but existent. People who fall victim to these charades might regret it for the rest of their lives if they are that ignorant. I’d rather ask the person to meet me as soon as possible should I try dating online. If that person denies, then put them on the ignored list and find another. The internet does give a lot of choices, so why regret having to ignore a single person for denying your request to meet up? Bottom line is, although dating is superficial, it gives everybody a newer perspective.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The story of my life so far...

My name is Jeni Eunice Ramos. I was a product of premarital s**. I was supposed to be given up but thankfully, my parents didn’t pull through with their plan. I was born on this rainy July 14, 1992 on a small clinic in Poblacion, Muntinlupa City. Ever since then, I celebrated my birthdays with heavy pour from the heavens. My parents are Rosalie Asunada and Jose Edwin Ramos. They married when I was 11 months old. I was their flower girl by then. My dad works at Team Energy Powerplant in Sual, Pangasinan as a Senior Control Operator. And my mom, well, she just stays at home keeping watch at our small sari sari store.

I was followed by two brothers. The second is 4 years younger than me and the third was 7 years younger. My family is very happy when together even though there are rough times. Me and my brothers are very close, so in school, people often call me “one of the boys”. Our family can be considered "Nominal Catholic", well except for my granny.

I was always the achiever in the family. They were always expecting too highly of me because I have a many talents and skills. For one, I began to have an interest on the piano when I was 3. I started playing and learning from a teacher at the age of 6. I stopped when I turned 12 but I regained my interest on playing at the age of 16.

I studied my elementary years in OLACS. I graduated with honors and a full-fledged member of the majorettes and the choir. Then I spent my whole high school years in Muntinlupa Science high School.

In school, people often tell me that “you don’t look smart, but really, you are!” I take it as a compliment even though they make me sound dumb. They sometimes call me Math Genius or Math CPU. Obviously I love math.

I was also a school dancer. I dance Folk dance and Hiphop dances. I often perform with my group in programs in our school back in highschool. You may say that I was popular but I never really made “real friends”.

When it was time to choose a college course, I took a chance on taking up a challenge. Something I’ve never imagine myself doing. Something like in the tourism sector. I challenged myself to improve. To make me a better person.

A lot of people was shocked by my decision especially my parents. Because I passed UPCAT but I didn’t chose the offer because the course is too non-challenging: BS Math. Instead, I accepted the interview offer of UST for BS Tourism. Seeing I was head-on with my decision, my friends and family supported me and hoped for the best.

The first year was rough. It was hard to make friends especially with my kind of thinking. Only few people try to understand me, and fewer people who already do. I get scared and intimidated easily. My way of thinking just doesn’t mix with theirs.

The second year was a lot better. I had friends and I was improving a lot. I have developed good talking skills and have an open perspective for everyone. I share what I know and want nothing back. I was always ready to help.

Now, I am a third year, proud of what I’ve become. I improved a lot especially on the social skills. I keep improving and keep hoping to be the best person I can be. It feels like every semester here in UST, there is a challege I need to overcome. I still have these fears I need to face. And every time I suceed, I feel like I am a better person and still routing for success in the future.

So here I am, looking for who I really am and finding the questions I've been asking for the past 18 years of my life.