Sunday, October 17, 2010

It's been...ambitious...lately...

It's been what? Five to ten years since I last posted? Exaggerating, but I honestly missed this. Being a student is very confusing. Hmm.. Let me revise that: Being a COLLEGE STUDENT is very confusing. Especially when you don't get your priorities straight. You're studying your chosen degree with hopes that you will find a great job some day or when you have an ideal job in mind, you're hoping that you'll achieve it some day. But ironically, you realize half way that the industry is falling apart: unfortunate and inevitable events that you expected but prayed not to happen so soon. And now you're thinking what job will I be able to get now without reaching too far and in the end, sink too low?

A lot of people who are already working claims that it's much better to be a college student. Well, if you're a lazy college student that can get your way through every subject, like me, then why not. But if you're a grade conscious dude who wimps at the sight of a below average grade (for these people, it's below 90%), I think it's not better to be a student. You'll just add stress lines on your forehead and make you look older. In my opinion, it's just the same. It depends on how you treat your work.

My dad, a mechanical engr., says that in his workplace, it's just like a small classroom with 10 other people. They have fun together, laugh together, tell stories about themselves, just like in a classroom. Whenever I hear his stories, I've thought that once you get a view on what you really want, you tend to make it happen just as long as it's not too hard to reach and you have a lot of patience.

Talking about patience, I have a very limited one. That's why I'm playing these finding games so that I can improve because I'm always in the rush to do things. When I was younger, I wanted to turn 18 immediately so I can find freelance work. Today, I want to graduate immediately so I can start earning money from a real job outside my house. I want to find out how people find work, how hard it is, how failure hurts, how it affects my perseverance and how screwing up is such a taboo. I want to find out immediately because my curiosity won't be satisfied with mere surfing the net or asking others for their opinions. I want to experience for myself. They say  it's hard. I say, bring it on! I can take it. If you can't then you're weak, go back to studying.

I'm not an ambitious person so I set goals based on my standards, based on what I know I can achieve in a short span of time. And when things go better, then it'll be such a surprise worth remembering of. Sometimes, I pity ambitious people especially when they predict their highest goal in such an impossible short period of time. Know why I pity them? Because when they look back, they might get disappointed with themselves for being late or not being able to achieve it. Sometimes, they're even full with pride to the point that they won't admit they're disappointed. But in my opinion, they just don't want to look pathetic - which they already do to people who can see right through them.

With what I just said, I don't need comments being defensive as hell. Just suck it up and be yourself, there's nothing wrong with that.

Being optimistic is good. In fact, it's way better than being ambitious just as long as you know the limits and calculate the time frame correctly.

Well I have to admit, I'm jealous of those people who already have plans. Because I don't. I know I can do a lot of stuff. I'm a fast learner, but that's not enough because when I make my plans, it's more than ambitious. It's over-the-top, unreachable and to-die-for. I want to do so many things all at the same time. If only I was a genius or something. But I'm not. I can try a lot of jobs and get bored with it immediately. I get bored easily on games, what more if it's work? I've always secretly been wanting more. I may put up an easygoing face but in reality, I've been wanting to prove to MYSELF I can be smarter than what I am now.

It's like I am my own rival. 

Every time I learn something, I have to learn more. I have to figure more things out on my own. I have to know more. I have to ask more. I have to encounter more people. I have to understand them more. It's like an undying thirst. Never quenched. Sometimes relieved but always goes back for more.

To tell the truth, I learn more outside, with people, with friends, with my family, with myself, than I do in school. In school, they just expect us to memorize. Memorize stuff that won't even be necessary. Oh well. I guess that's how life works. You just have to make the best of it.

Or whatever...