Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Fairy Tales EXPOSED! [Narcissism is a BAD thing]

Now let's talk about the story of Snow White.

Her story's about a queen who hated her own daughter for growing more beautiful than her.

Selfish much?

You're jealous of your very own daughter?

Remember the part where the queen wanted some woodsman to vanquish Snow White?

The queen demanded the woodsman to deliver Snow White's heart.

The woodsman didn't have the guts to do that to her so he butchered a pig instead.

In the real story, the queen demanded for Snow White's heart, lungs and liver.

And when the woodsman delivered it, of course from a butchered animal,

The queen salts them down, cooked it, and ate it.

Imagine if that's Snow White's real organs.


Moving on,

The queen visited Snow White three times with a disguise.

First, she offered Snow White some "stay-laces" or corset.

Second, involves combing Snow White's hair.

Then the third, the poisonous apple.

But to prove that the apple was safe, the disguised queen even took a bite of the "white part" of the apple.

And let Snow White bite the red part.

So Snow White fell dead.

And she was buried in a glass coffin.

The prince came, he didn't kiss her.

Instead, he bumped or nudged the coffin and the poisoned apple piece fell out of Snow White's mouth.

She woke up from her death-like sleep and marries the prince.

They found out about the queen's plot so they punished her.

Her punishment was so cool it sends me shivers down my spine.

The queen was forced to wear a pair of metal shoes that were heated in the furnace until red hot.

It's called the dancing shoes.

Because she dances while wearing those fiery shoes until she falls dead.

See? Narcissism IS a bad thing.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Fairy Tales EXPOSED! [A tragedy written for children]

So how about the story of the Little Mermaid?

I used to like this movie because it's a musical.

And Ariel's a pretty sexy red head.

It's the story about the fish-girl who fell in love with a human.

Let's get one thing straight, fish-girls or the so-called "mermaids" don't exist.

Got that?

Okay, moving on.

Hans Christian Anderson wrote the original version of this story.

Which is a darker version than Disney's.

On the part that the little mermaid goes to a sea witch.

The witch never gave her some magical transformation.

Instead she gave her a potion to drink.

Afterwards, she went to the shore to drink the potion.

She went to excruciating pain to have her tail split in to two legs.

Imagine that.

It's like splitting your.. uhh. never mind.

In Disney, I think the mermaid's goal was to get the prince's love without talking.

But in the real story, she has to get his love enough for him to FORGET his parents or she'll die.

I mean, come on!  Tough deal.

The prince did love her but not enough to forget his parents.

And also because he truly loves the girl who saved him when he was washed ashore.

Not the girl who saved him from drowning, which is the mermaid.

So prince promised mermaid that he'll marry her if he can't find that girl he truly loves.

Unfortunately, the prince finds his love in the nearby kingdom and marries her.

Leaving little mermaid standing by and watching him marry this other woman.

After the wedding, they are back at the ship to sail home.

The little mermaid's sisters appeared with completely bald heads.

They gave her a knife and told her that if she kills the prince with that knife,

His blood will give her fins so that she can go back home.

And the reason why they're bald? 

They traded their hair for the knife, of course.

Then little mermaid went to where the newly weds are sleeping to kill the prince.

Unfortunately, she can't.

So she flings herself and the knife to the ocean and turn into bubbles.

To put it simply,

She didn't get the prince's love.


It's a tragedy.

Written for children.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Fairy Tales EXPOSED! [Have you tried wearing a glass slipper?]

Now, let me ask you.

Are you familiar with the story of Sleeping Beauty?

How about Cinderella?

Little Red Riding Hood?

Hansel and Gretel?

Snow White?


I bet you are.

So let's start with Cinderella, shall we?

I'm not going to talk mean about her. 

Just let me tell some points about the original story.

First of all whoever heard of a glass slipper?

Ever tried wearing one? How could you possibly walk in one?

For one thing, you'd slip and fall if you don't break it as soon as you climb down the stairs.

There never was a glass slipper.

But there was a godmother but not the one with the wand, the magic and the wings.

And the stepsisters, actually, they were fine looking women and ugliness wasn't their problem.

Their problem was their spoiled attitudes.

And that they couldn't even take care of their appearances.

Oh and the part where the stepsisters force their huge feet into Cinderella's shoes,

They cut off pieces of their feet that don't fit.

Expect a bloody slipper.

I guess they didn't want Lotus Feet.

And so the story ends where the stepmother and the stepsisters got their eyes plucked out by birds.

But, still.

Happily ever after.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

A Girl's Fantasy is a Dangerous Place to be in. [Part 1]

Of course you have heard about fairy tales.

You know, Cinderella, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, Alladin's Jasmin, Sleeping Beauty's Aurora?

With the so-called Disney Princesses?

They are basically the epitome of every girl's fantasies when in a younger age.

Every normal ones, that is.

It's not about these princesses and how pretty they are.

But they ARE pretty.

It's about the idea of having a handsome prince rescuing you from your traumatic life and live happily ever after.

But that's what Disney wants us to think.

The actual original stories of these princesses are not like the happily-ever-after ones.

Like for example, Sleeping beauty was molested before she woke up and Ariel turned into bubbles because she never got Prince's love.

So many eye-openers? There's more but let's talk about it next time.

So, I grew up watching these fairytale movies.

There was a point where I wanted to be a princess in this distant land.

But as I grow up, I came to the realization that they will NEVER come true,

Then, I started dreaming of taking over the world.

That's waay better than fantasizing to be some peasant marrying a prince of a country.

Then your prince happens to be some playboy with dozens of concubines.

You'll just find yourself going crazy after that eye-opener.

Especially if you're the jealous type.

But as a girl, I STILL can't help wishing I was a princess in distress.

That someday, a prince will come and save me.

Whenever a lover comes to a girl, these fantasies take over.

To the point that girls ask for more and more.

For their ideal world to come true.

Until the guy gives up for giving too much that wasn't even enough for the girl.

I blame it all on the fairy tales. 

Ideal World.

At an early age.

"We were Young and Stupid"

I often hear that title in chick flicks wherein they were high school sweethearts.

They broke up and never talked to each other.

Then comes this one time, they were adults and mature enough to talk to each other.

They were happily talking until it reaches to the topic about their past relationship.

Then cue drama theme song or something and some flashbacks.

One will ask: "What happened to us?"

Then the other one will answer: "We were young and stupid."

Well, if this story is a romantic one, the first one will reply:

"Then I must still be stupid."

But if this story is nothing about them, then after their conversation, they will NEVER talk to each other EVER again.

Chick flicks.

Give every girl an ideal world they want to be in. 

It's very rare for a guy to watch a chick flick.

Because most of them can't relate.

The only way to get a guy watch a chick flick with you is when you trick him or something.

But honestly, I love guys who can watch chick flicks with girls.

They can get pretty good ideas on how the girl wants her love life to be.

Especially when the guy is watching the movie with the girl he likes.

In different scenes, he can study what the girl's reactions are.

How strong is the impact of the movie to the girl?

Take note of those things in his mind.

And his confusion about girls will lessen.

So gentlemen, watch CHICK FLICKS for educational purposes.

You might learn to improve yourselves.

And get the girl you like ;)

Good luck.

Chick flicks <3

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Ignorance is Bliss. Unless a test is involved....

Sometimes Ignorance is Bliss

So this close friend of mine told me to write "about things people's hearts can relate to."

Because I was in a good mood, I didn't argue.

But what did that even mean?

To tell you the truth, I'm not good at that.

I think I lost my sensitivity somewhere between high school and college.

I really don't know about what most people can relate to.

I'm thinking love.

Okay so here it goes.

Ever wonder why typically it's like this?

Okay never mind I give up thinking about a scenario.

Who am I anyway to talk about these things?

I'm practically the most open-minded person I know.

And I seriously don't care about those facts.

It's just an ugly truth.

I use to tell people that the less you know, the happier you are.

I derived that conclusion from a lot of experiences.

So the most ignorant person will die the happiest. 

At least for me.

He looks like he saw James Dean in the shower. 

Or maybe he just whipped as loud as an airplane landing? 

Who knows?

Babies. What more to say?

Okay enough about zombies. 

Let's get to the other thing that scares me.


They are soft, adorable and surprisingly wet.

They are the cutest things alive!

Especially those chubby babies, you just wanna bite those cheeks off. Figuratively, of course.

They scare me.

First thing's first.

I'm a girl.

Yeah go look at my picture at the upper right - I AM A GIRL.


These little people comes out of us.

Sometimes, they'll come out at a very early age where we still don't have jobs.

But who can resist them? That's what makes them scary.

Just look at them.

They're staring back at you with those little beady eyes.

They look confused but you don't know that they're actually reading your mind.

One smile, they can melt your heart.

You'll never think bad of these little people.




In a cute way.

Friday, June 4, 2010

What's up with me and Zombies?

Talking again about zombies,

haven't you noticed that zombies in movies are slowly evolving?

I mean at first, they introduced zombies as slow-paced human-eating reanimated dead looking for brains.

The next thing you know, they made a movie about zombies being as fast as a cheetah. Well, maybe not.

Imagine running for your life while these zombies follow your scent like a pack of hounds.

I bet they can even outrun my unicycle-riding monkey in a marathon.

It adds a little excitement for the viewers, though.

I was on the edge of my seat when i saw these zombies running after this guy.

RUNNING AFTER. As if the zombie's a real cheetah chasing its prey.


Too bad for those FAT and OLD people. Oh well.

They don't have much time to live anyway.

But wait, they're still evolving!

Like POKEMONS. Gotta catch 'em all.

No seriously.

Besides, how could it possibly get any worse than the one above?

As if these zombies can learn to use weapons like axe and knives. HAHA.


Or can they? :|


Zombies can use some machine guns in some movies and video games!

I bet they can even drive a tank.

I thought they we're brain dead! 


Zombies are going to take over the world.


This would be really cool if I wasn't scared to death.

Note to the military: If bitten by zombies, kill yourself. PLEASE.

That goes the same for those who own GUNS and FIREPOWER.

Save the hero from the hassle of putting a bullet through your empty heads.

And while you're at it, make sure you have exactly one bullet in your gun.

Thank you.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Zombies. They can exist. And they will rule the world if given a chance.


First thing that comes to my mind is flesh-eating, mindless slow-moving undead.

They scare me.

Even though the stereotype of zombies is that they are slow and not so bright, they still chase after humans.

One bullet to the head and they're gone.

But one bite and you'll be one of them in a few minutes.

It's a whole lot different from cannibalism because the last thing you want to see before your life ends is some rotten corpse munching on you. Ew.

except if the zombie is sexy.


Just the thought of my family being zombies makes me want to run away from here.

Then how about my friends? I can't even start to imagine.

Or maybe my head's just preoccupied by my fear of zombies right now.

I mean, come on. People tell me that zombies are just fictional. Or so you think.

In my opinion, zombies CAN be real.

I found this article in wherein it stated some facts that can result to a zombie outbreak.

All it needs are some scientists to test it out on humans and let it spread.

And I believe we have a lot of them, we just don't know they exist, yet. Or do we?

Do we?

So you're thinking, I just read one article about zombies and I already believed it.

"Could you be that gullible?"

Actually, yes. As long as it's about zombies, YES.

The wrath of Mother Nature's better than zombies.

I would rather be eaten alive by thousands of parasitic worms than some smelly corpse.

Okay maybe NOT.

A hot zombie may be a rather pretty site before dying.

So if a zombie apocalypse actually happens, I'm calling out to all the hot people out there.

Especially if you're Johnny Depp or Jessica Alba. Or Haylie Williams. Or Bret Jackson.

Please. Come to our town and bite me.


How about you?